02 December 2010

Harvard Invites BMC to Lecture White House!

In a world where governments try hard to work within deadlines and provide world class solutions to the public, BMC stands apart. Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation or BMC is a body which has some credentials that nobody can match with. 

The constant year round digging of roads and perfectly imperfect patchwork was noticed by Harvard. They were totally amazed to see the year round precision in digging roads and the amateurishly ingenius ways of filling it. What attracted Harvard was the true artistic blend of tar and dirt in patching up the road. 

The dean of Harvard said, "Even a 10 year old American kid would know how to make a straight levelled patchwork on the roads. What truly amazes me is that how do grown up Engineers, Contractors and Supervisors not make a levelled road! It takes true courage, grit and determination to forget one's basics to create art in simple contracting and engineering." 

The dean's eyes swelled with tears of sheer joy when he spoke the above words. He continued by wiping off a tear, "And the sheer act of filling up potholes with gravel, mud and very rarely tar makes me think, why don't we have artists like these in America? Why? There are so many good things that happens when the potholes are filled with gravel. And even better things when they are left in peace as every pothole has a story to say! I've come to know women undergoing labour pains have felt so relieved when their ambulances pass through the gaping potholes. So many families have saved money because these women gave birth on way because of the crests and curves of the artisitic patchwork and unique strategically formed potholes! In our country people go to the gym for boxing. In Mumbai they just fight on the road because of these one of a kind inventive, crafty roads lead to beautiful traffic snarls.We want to study the benefits of roads like Mumbai. In Mumbai, cars die down in maximum 4-5 years because of the roads whereas here even when someone sells it after a decade, it's almost perfect. No wonder car companies are lining up in India. We have to save our car companies and save them from bankruptcies. People will buy cars when their old cars wear down. We need roads like Mumbai to revive our industry. There are so many parallel industries which will be supported. For example the fitness industry, especially the back pain specialists will thrive. Shrinks will be overloaded with frustrated people. I can't imagine the endless imagination. I'm so happy that I want to cry!"

He continues, "We have always been Consumerism driven country and we want our countrymen to spend more. With roads like Mumbai, businesses in USA will sprout like weed and grass." (apparently the dean was high, I guess)

The Americans will save USA by building Mumbai like roads! We wanted to be the Shanghai of India, but destiny had other plans. BMC has put Mumbai literally, in USA! The American people have filed a petition to rename Washington DC to Mumbaston BMC. It's said that there will be a paan spitting competition inside the White House to make all corners glow in red to welcome the BMC delegates so that they feel at home.  

Mr. Roadaala Phaadkar, Mr. Jantaala Chodkar, Mr. Paiselaa Khaakar, Mr. Khawoon Dakaarmaarkar and Mr. Yeda Banaakar visited for a guest lecture at the White House organized by Harvard.(Don't ask me how!)   

Mr. Yeda Banaakar felt very proud today. People put a city on the map of another country, but BMC literally put  a whole country in his city! He started his speech, "We don't do anything special to create art on roads. We follow one simple rule that defines us. This is the first time that it is been shared with the common public. It's our life's motto and it goes like this. HUMEIN SIRF KHODNAA AUR CHODNAA AATA HAI. (we only know to dig and fuck) Jahaan hum raaste mein khadday khodtay hain aur public ki khushi chodtay hain!"

Listening these golden words the President of USA Firaaq Yedamaa leapt out of his seat and started hitting his head like Nana Patekar. Why? Because he realised his mistake. He wanted to bring change for the good to revive his country. But actually his country needed change for the bad! The Indians knew it. This is the reason of India's lightning fast progress. DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE PEOPLE. JUST GET BUSINESS! Simple. It wasn't a Nana Patekar moment, it was a 'why didn't we think of this' moment. 

How shameless we Mumbaikars are? We should spit on each other's face for accusing BMC to do a shoddy job all round the year. If they had not been so artistically creative, USA couldn't have saved itself. We are so selfish to think that a huge chunk of our tax money goes to some ingenius officers' pockets. Don't you know, they deserve this money. They put so much time to think and create 'art on road'. We are so narrow minded that we wanted precision of levelled roads. How stupid we all are? It's only with open minds we can understand that when we were expecting basic contracting, simple engineering jobs which required minor child like planning, the geniuses of this great agency were creating art and subconsciously saving USA! 

Move over M. F. Hussain, BMC is here! 

P.S. I'm just too frustrated by Mumbai roads, thought to vent out 'artistically creative' way :p (I know I have used these two words a lot!)


  1. Aamir: I am sorry to say this but after quite some time, I have really and truly enjoyed your post. It is very witty and intelligent and I will expect more posts like this one in the future. Really good!

  2. @MiG: You don't need to be sorry that most posts are not as enjoyable as this one :)
    It all depends on my mood, I guess I write best when I'm frustrated...lol!
    I sincerely appreciate that you liked this. FYI, I composed this on my cell in office when there was nothing to do and internet wasn't available!