21 March 2011

Why Do Women Remain in Self-Detrimental Relationships?

Few of us were having a conversation about relationships and why do some girls/women end up in not so loving relationship. For my post, the relationship (partner) to be considered is between a woman with her boyfriend, husband or live-in.

These were a few questions and some general statements that we discussed:
  • When in a relationship, how and why do they (female friends) change so much?
  • Are we right being perplexed, yet concerned for our lady friends?
  • How and why do head strong ladies, too, get marginalized in a relationship? (Assumption being most women do)
  • Why do girls (head strong too) fall for complete jerks? (Jerks here are selfish and manipulative bastards, hell bent to marginalize women)
  • Why do jerks land up with good women?
  • Nice guys finish last but they do get nice girls. (I felt this could be a self soothing and hopeful statement)
This was my my insight for these not-so-grave, yet solemn questions.


I usually am good, at observing human behavior and supplement myself, sometimes by reading about it too. We human beings are complex creatures because of our complex brains which is a self destructive combination of logic and emotions, which are never perfectly balanced. I believe some of us are balanced, but that too, only few instances in a day.

The questions had no single answer. The answers are very subjective rather than being objective; subjective not from my perspective, but from the perspective of any lady in the above given questions/situations.
  • When in a relationship, how and why do they (female friends) change so much?

How can a person change so much? I really don’t know! Human behavior is unpredictably irrational at times; which, the person realizes, only in retrospect.
  • Are we right being perplexed, yet concerned for our lady friends?
Yes.  But I think one may be over reacting. What they do as a couple is their business. One is not trying to find faults; one is just being thoughtful as a friend who genuinely cares and concerns and hence one may be noticing her too much and trying to find out answers. But frankly my dear, don’t give a damn! 
  • How and why do head strong ladies, too, get marginalized in a relationship? (Assumption being most women do)
There can be an unending assortment of reasons spread over the table of difficulties of women! But in Indian context, it could definitely be the concept of ‘sacrifice’ for the good of the husband/family.
  • Why do girls (head strong too) fall for complete jerks? (Jerks here are selfish and manipulative bastards, hell bent to marginalize women)
As far as settling for jerks as husbands, the only good reason I think is that they maybe ‘better’ bread winners. ‘Better’ in financial terms and the kind of social standing their ‘family’ has in the ‘society’! Apart from this I see no sense. This is surely a fact, which probably, none of the women will express openly. And if there is, I still haven’t found it. 
  • Why do jerks land up with good women?
A woman will not settle down with a jerk boyfriend but there is a high probability that she may settle down with a jerk guy via arranged marriage due to at least, the one reason, I cited above.  (There maybe more reasons) If she remains (bf/husband/live-in) with a jerk she knows, then surely something is wrong with the lady, emotionally! Or maybe the sex is just so great that rest doesn’t matter!
  • Nice guys finish last but they do get nice girls.
Read the statement again. Read!!! Have you read it? If you’re a nice guy, you would know that you finish LAST.  But as the world says and is trying to condition us by saying positive things about blah blah blah blah blah… yes you’ll get some nice girl and eventually settle down and blah blah blah blah… Got it? So feel what ever you want to feel. (My perspective)

The concern with guys like us is that we think a lot, are well read, socially aware, don’t have standard opinions, will always go with the right side as we don’t follow factions of thought processes and hence choose to believe and more-or-less stay balanced in spite of the observed prevalent irregularities which highly perplexes us.

Thinking is something that is deep rooted and we’re a rare kind in today’s society which just doesn’t think. I don’t know if I’m too bold to acknowledge that we are the last league of ‘gentlemen’ in our times, at least in the immediate society we stay in.

I’m not an anti-feminist, pro-feminist, male-chauvinist, or any other god forsaken adjective used to describe men or women. I’m just plain-fucking-nice!

29 comments:

  1. I think I am quite qualified to talk on this subject!! Let's answer your questions one by one

    When in a relationship, how and why do they (female friends) change so much?
    Don't generalise. Men change too. It's not only the women who changes. Honestly they change because they're too much in love to say no!! Sounds stupid?? Not to us when we're knee deep in love!

    Am I right being perplexed, yet concerned for my friend?
    Yes, you are right. And lucky girl, because she has a friend who cares for her well-being. But at the same time, she won't like you to be critical of her relationship.... if you wanna do it, make it very subtle, or else she might even cut off all ties with you! And, if she ever comes crying to you, don't ever say "I told you so". Just give her a tissue!!! We're women, we're stupid when in love!!

    How and why do head strong ladies, too, get marginalized in a relationship?
    You assumption is right. Not all head strong ladies allow themselves to be marginalised, For the some who do, it is a great turn on for her if her guy can dominate her....because they are not used to being dominated!!!!!! For her, she sees the guy as someone great because for her, if he can control a head-strong her, he can control anyone in the world!!!For her, he is Superman!! Read it twice to understand it, Women Psychology is difficult!! And you are right, women, mostly Indian women have the 'sacrificing' gene in her. They feel good when they give up something for the guy they love. They don't mind it. This, again is only for some head strong females, not all.

    Why do girls (head strong too) fall for complete jerks?
    Because, smart women look for either of two things in her man : he should be a smart ass or he should be a bad boy. And jerks are both!! They're extremely smart, they know how to talk to women, how to charm them and the works!! And good girls love boys for the lack of adventure in their own lives! And also, they think, their love can change the bad boy into a good boy. Wishful thinking, I know, but that's how we think!

    Why do jerks land up with good women?
    They know how to talk to women!!!!! And he first thing that smart, head strong women look for is the way her guy talks! So, all of you, looking to impress women, learn something from these jerks.....learn how to talk to us!!

    Nice guys finish last but they do get nice girls.
    Because a nice-girl-jerk guy relationship doesn't last long! And its karma.... you will get what you deserve!

    And people call me a feminist!!!
    Hope this made sense!

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  2. Oh man!! That was a blog post on its own!!

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  3. @Nupur: I'm sure your answers will change by the time you're 26. And you've assumed love. Mind you, I've not mentioned love at all.

    As far as your answer for why do jerks land up with women AND Nice guys finish last is concerned...just read them together and you'll know why women end up being hurt. Read it. It's because of her karma that she gets marginalized. And its because of our karma that we get nice girls. U answered yourself!!! (karma)

    Yes, it was a long reply :)

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  4. Karma is not chauvinistic!!! It was her karma too to end up with a nice guy in the end.... it was just important for her to learn the lessons early on.

    My answers have already changed!! And I'm just 22!!! I was answering with reference to the context asked in the post....those weren't my preferences!!

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  5. ...i am loving this...

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  6. @Nupur: I missed one thing. Headstrong women like to be dominated because its a turn on! Don't you think it's a stupid reason to stay with a man, for a headstrong lady! I'm sure there would be a better reason!

    My point is, if women themselves allow themselves to be marginalized, then don't demand equality. Cuz what you do and what you want are absolutely contradictory! :)

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  7. I am loving it too...
    actually a topic worth debate...
    please carry on guys...its informative...

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  8. @ Simply put...we change because we choose to....not because u r a jerk or dat we get marginalised!!!! Lesson for Life - EVERYTHING a woman/girl does in a relationship or otherwise has a very mysterious reason only known to HER!!! Cheers.... :)

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  9. Hey Aamir...ure sure a good blogger..but here i kinda agree with Nupur...
    see the thing is females are more emotional than men..so they melt too quick listening to the jerks..n i believe every1 acts stupid at some or other point of life so u cant be biased towards females..the fact is even if a guy is very happy with his relation and has a beautiful girlfrn/wife etc he would still try to either flirt or something with a few chicks !

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  10. When in a relationship, how and why do they (female friends) change so much?
    Our job is not to change ourselves but our primary motive is to change our bf/husband/live in..... :D

    Am I right being perplexed, yet concerned for my friend?
    Perplexed!!! There is no question of being right or wrong in it..after all it is your reaction. Concern maybe....but dude keeping out of a gal's love life is wise!!! because no matter how hard you try to make your friend understand she won't!!!

    How and why do head strong ladies, too, get marginalized in a relationship?
    I don't understand the concept of head strong ladies...how and why only they know!!!

    Why do girls (head strong too) fall for complete jerks?
    Just to satisfy our inner urge to risk our time on a hopeless guy!!! :)...

    Why do jerks land up with good women?
    It is God's way of showing you the heaven before you rot in hell!!! :)

    Nice guys finish last but they do get nice girls.
    Is it an acheivement??? Nice girls that the nice boys who finish last get are also the ones who finish last!!!! :P

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  11. @Anonymous: Show yourself :) Atleast I'd know who has such 'pristine' thoughts?

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  12. I would never be anonymous, If i would have wished to be seen!!!!

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  13. There is a reason why I wish to stay anonymous in my reply.

    In response to the Anonymous reply just above mine, for the last question.

    "Nice guys finish last but they do get nice girls.
    Is it an acheivement??? Nice girls that the nice boys who finish last get are also the ones who finish last!!!! :P"

    I agree with you to a certain extent. There is another saying - It is always the last place you look when you are looking for something.....Now, it is always going to be the last place you look. Why would you keep on searching after you find it?

    However, let's not take it too literally. I wouldn't be so proud or arrogant to believe that when I have something or when I am with someone really nice, I deserve it. I would definitely think of it as an achievement in my life. It is not the joy of possessing someone, mind you. But, it is the feeling of having reached a place where you feel satisfied and 'satisfaction' is certainly, only achieved.

    I was one of persons who put up these questions to Aamir.

    @Angel: I am sure guys flirt while being in a happy relationship but you need to categorize into just friendly, casual flirting or flirting meant for gains. The point here is, why girls many times fall for jerks when they aware that these guys are jerks. Is love that blind? And more so for really confident and independent girls who allow themselves to be treated in such a horrible manner. Perhaps, they have their reasons. Perhaps, I am too daft to understand these reasons.

    @Nupur: I am sure it is not easy for many guys to talk to girls and woo them. But, really is it that easy? I never thought that it was. I thought that a sane girl would look for more in a guy than just being just a sweet talker and nothing more. Also, you are saying that jerks are smart asses. Agreed! However, being a smart ass and being smart are two completely different things. Then the question is, whether girls look for smart guys or smart asses!!!

    And believe me, this post wouldn't have come up if the concern was that girls go for only smart, confident talkers. It came up because they go for guys who don't know shit.....they are literally talked out of their asses!!!!

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  14. @Nupur, Sweta (Angel): This is not a bias or anything. But yet another example how women confuse the normalcy of life and then blame the guys.

    For starters, lets say, you stop stereotyping that 'all guys are dogs'...maybe these dogs are the jerks that you love so much to have fun with, and then get screwed over and crib and blame the entire male kind :)

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. Hi Anonymous...this is anonymous again....satisfaction comes from within...so does it really matter whether you are with a NICE gal or a WICKED one????

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  17. @ Aamir....all guys are not Dogs....some are good ones!!!! :) we appreciate it!!! :)

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  18. Hello: There are 2 Anonymous people here.
    I know the the 2nd one(who mentions that he/she questioned me), after my @Anonymous: Show yourself :) Atleast I'd know who has such 'pristine' thoughts?

    The first Anonymous person is definitely a lady :) and if you know me and don't wanna be exposed on THE INTERNET, text me! ;)

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  19. First Anonymous.... You know me just as well if not much!!!! Think Think!!!! :P

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  20. I dont mind being exposed on THE INTERNET however i had vowed never to read your blogs!!! so.....

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  21. @Anonymous: Hahahahahaahahaha....even before the last 2 comments, i caught U. U r pathetic at being secretive! :P

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  22. Hi to the first anonymous (I guess). To answer your question to the second anonymous, it would definitely matter at least to me if the girl is wicked our nice. But then again, I don't think anybody wil ever be happy with a wicked person whether it be guy or girl.

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  23. Haha....btw...the name is fareena .... :D

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  24. Summary:
    Don't try to understand women, waste of time and thought, rather just enjoy the nitty gritty's of u r relationship and try to give her u r best and as dada says "keep it rocking"

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  25. @Amit, thanks for the summary but the none of the above mentioned things have ever been done by a man and the future is bleak too.... :) cheers.... :)

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  26. Why u guyzzz worrying abt what does a guy wants or think and what does a girl wants or think.........human being is a social animal.......so it is bound to behave like that!!!!!!!!!
    I HOPE I HAVE ANSWERED EVERYONE'S ANSWER.
    ENJOY MY FRIENDS.

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  27. @Anonymous....excellent answer anonymous.....love it.... :)

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  28. @Anonymous who has posted the following:
    "Why u guyzzz worrying abt what does a guy wants or think and what does a girl wants or think.........human being is a social animal.......so it is bound to behave like that!!!!!!!!!
    I HOPE I HAVE ANSWERED EVERYONE'S ANSWER.
    ENJOY MY FRIENDS."

    I am sorry my friend but you have not answered any question. You have just generalized your thoughts; vaguely. Also, all you have given us is a fact, that human beings are social animals. Which, really doesn't tell us anything about what is being discussed. People are not discussing about whether man behaves in such a way or not. The question is why and how?

    I don't mean to offend you by being forthright and I am sorry if I have.

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