An Infernal Intuition

A few days ago it was announced that the very hot Ms. Malin Akerman will be replacing the notorious Ms. Lindsay Lohan in the movie Inferno after Lohan opted out citing she has to concentrate on her rehab! I feel it was the worst decision of her life. There are many bad professional decisions she has taken, but I’m sure this one would top the list. 

Inferno is a biopic of infamous pornographic actress Linda Lovelace who starred in Deep Throat, the highest grossing porn film ever. It is estimated that when the film released in 1972, it grossed over US$ 100 million. The film was then distributed by a network of Mafia family.

Deep Throat is a unique phenomenon of the pop culture of the last century.

Inferno will make an excellent worthy watch for all the viewers whether they know the history of Deep Throat or not. Just consider the points:

•     It’s a biopic of the leading lady of the most infamous X-rated movie of the last century
•     It was so famous that mainstream film audiences went to watch it
•     There is a strong mafia connection
•     Although it is said that the film made US$ 100 million, some conspiracy theories claim that the film made in the excess of US$600 million. (And this was 1970’s!)
•     A censored edition of the film was released on DVD for fans of pop culture and those wishing to own a legitimate copy of the infamous movie
•     Linda Lovelace made and changed statements that she was forced into pornography by her sadistic husband!

a. First she said that making the film was a liberating experience

b. Then she said that she was coerced to perform the scenes by being hypnotized and sometimes brandished with guns and rifles to complete the acts

c. Later she became an anti-porn activist!

These are just few of the ‘facts’ associated with the history of Deep Throat and the late Linda Lovelace.

What do you want in a film to be entertaining? It has to have a fascinating story to be told! This will definitely be a good watch. Plus, for any actor/actress, playing a real person is a high and there’s a truly immense scope of performance.  

Troubled soul Lindsay Lohan was the first choice to essay Lovelace’s role. Hollywood said that all she needs is one good film. She got one, Inferno. And she kicked it, trying to kick a habit (addiction) she can’t.

I’m not a fan of Lindsay Lohan. It’s just that I have a very keen intuition. There have been times that I’ve noticed people and knew that they would make it big. (I so want to say that about me :p) Obviously I can’t tell it now because then it would be plain stupid and unbelievable.

Once again, is my intuition telling me something?

What Happened? Did Your Balls Drop Off?

You need to stay safe so you wear seat belts when you ride a car. You buy a house for the security of your own place. You get a job to secure steady inflow of income. You buy insurance because you don’t know how your family will cope up when you pass away.

From the moment we gain consciousness to the moment we die, we want to stay secured and safe. Why are the majority of human beings so inclined to being safe?

The question to ask ourselves is, “Are we really safe?”

We tie down ourselves  in the garb of security. We have been enslaved by security.

We restrict ourselves to do something what we are truly capable of. Just rewind to the time when we were kids. We took great risk when we learnt to walk. Do you have any idea how many thousand times you must have fallen to walk your first wobbly walk? Do you remember how many bruises you earned in your endeavour to run? How many trophy scars you have on your knees when you fell from your initial cycle ride without the side support? These are just a few examples to illustrate that we took great risks to learn and grow. I’m sure we all had apprehensions when we took the first cycle ride. But were your fathers or brothers or friends always running next to you to catch you, if you may fall? I’m sure the answer for most of us is, NO.

Why then, do we grow up to be so scared and hardly live up to our true human potential? Why do we believe in the naysayers and perfect ourselves in our flawless illusion of our ‘secured’ shells?

I often ask myself the greatest question which the Joker in The Dark Knight asks the mobsters conducting a meeting in closed quarters as they are afraid of the Batman, “What happened? Did your balls drop off?”

No matter how badly we want to answer a loud NO to the above question, but sadly the answer is YES! We all grow up to be too scared to try new things. We all are victims of security.

The answer that some of us may have is, “It’s risky to do this” or “What would happen if…” or “What would they think” and so on. We start weighing everything and choose options where there is some certainty involved. When there is extreme uncertainty of favorable results, we shy away taking that path.

When we learn to walk as toddlers we are 100% uncertain, only the grown ups watching us knew that sooner or later we’ll surely walk. Rising from the floor crawling level to the reach the phenomenal point of the standing level was an extremely uncertain act of courage for all of us. It’s just that when we grow up, we forget everything and the world around us conditions us quite negatively.

We start looking at every action’s results even before attempting it and as a result fail to act!!!

Why am I talking about it? I’ll answer metaphorically, yet again, in the words of the Joker.

Yes! The balls did drop off! I realized and admit it because I want to be the man (human) I was meant to be!

What Happened ???

P.S.: What I've posted is nothing new. Just felt that we all, still, have a chance. It's never too late!

Fight Club - A Lesson To Live

Yesterday, late night, I was watching one of my favourite film starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton, once again! It's an adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk's literary novel of the same name; FIGHT CLUB.  I still have to read the novel though. By the way, the film is considered one of the best adaptations of a novel.

This film / novel is a piece of art which makes you think about deeper issues of our lives. I think you should read the novel or watch the film if ..... :

• If you're a common man 
• If you're trapped in the fake reality of security
• If you think culture is a phenomenon to fuck your happiness
• If you're living in a world with shit load of material possessions that you don't know why you bought?
• If you have been 'educated' in schools then colleges then B-schools (Is there really value addition in your life)
• If your life has been 'guided' in a pattern that lives of our parents have been, i.e. go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, be a loving parent, educate your kids, ask them to study well and get a job and get married and ........ you know the cycle continues.
• If you're working for some corporation with bosses hovering like eagles waiting for the right moment to peck some flesh off you. (and if you're not, eventually most of you will)
• If you have lost the 'real you'
• If you want to be free.

The novel / film appeals a lot to men because the issues discussed is very close to their heart and all men understand it without exchanging a single word. Women may never understand it. 

The novel / film will enlighten us of our entrapment by vicious corporations. I somehow felt that its a direct slap on American capitalism. It's a slap on the readers / viewers face for being a moron and leading a pathetic life where we feel we're in control, but actually are not. It will make you realise that only when you accept that you're going to die, than will you really start living. 

There's a fantastic scene where Brad Pitt pulls out a guy working in some restaurant and points a gun at his head and asks him what he wants to do in life? He replies, he wanted to be a veterinary doctor. Brad Pitt takes his license and lets him go and tells him that he'll check on him in 6 weeks whether he is on his way to achieve his dream or not. If he isn't, he'll kill him! The poor guy runs and the next scene shows Brad's empty pistol! And then he tells Edward Norton that, that next day's breakfast will be the poor guy's tastiest breakfast, ever! He will learn to live! (Only after disaster can we be resurrected)

The basic premise is one needs to hit the abyss to rise up to the highest point. Unless you haven't lost everything, you will never know your true potential. The lower you'll fall, the higher you'll fly.

The film is very very intelligent and appeal to people  who think on their own and can question the status quo. If you are one of the kind, where you never question and do what you have been told, avoid the film and the novel, as you will not understand it and get a rude shock!

It has some quotes which will hit you as bad as a guy being hit by a speeding truck! I'm leaving you with a set of quotes which I feel, will make you think and hopefully read the novel or watch the film.

• We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

• Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes. Working jobs we hate, so we can buy shit we dont need.

• You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are all singing, all dancing crap of the world. 

• You do the little job you're trained to do. Pull a lever. Push a button. You don't understand any of it, and then you just DIE.

• Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just so they can buy what they don't really need.

• At the time, my life just seemed too complete, and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.

• Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart.

• You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.

• If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't. 

• The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything.

• Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer.

• Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions.

• You know, the condom is the glass slipper (like Cindrella story) of our generation. You slip it on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, then you throw it away. The condom, I mean. Not the stranger.

• We don't have a great war in our generation, or a great depression, but we do, we have a great war of the spirit. We have a great revolution against the culture. The great depression is our lives. We have a spiritual depression.

• The lower you fall, the higher you'll fly.

• This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

The best one from the novel is the last

• Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned.

  

Gujjus Rock !!!

If there is a community that laughs on itself, it is the Gujjus! They have a heart as big as their pockets and as refined as their insatiable taste buds.

Nupur, who blogs about them is a Gujju herself. She has written extensively on the irritating habits of the community and how she dislikes the habits. But I feel, Gujjus all over the world need to be saluted for their valour, for facing constant criticisms!

• Yes, they are loud!

• Yes, they have a funny twang which can even be identified by the aliens! Sample this - Eminem kya rape (rap) karta hai?

• Yes, the men wear such clothes that Govinda seems like a style icon!

• Yes, their food is sweet, including bitter gourd (karela)!

• Yes, they TALK TOO MUCH, including the men!

But, that's their USP. Al Ries and Jack Trout said 'Differentiate or Die', the Gujjus knew it before marketing gurus like Ries and Trout! Think about it! At any given chance, we can spot a Gujju correctly 90% of the time with the help of their cues, a few of which I stated above. [ Click here for an extensive list by Nupur (I'm waiting for the goody bag for publicising you :P ) ] That's what makes them so special.

You can't ignore them, they are everywhere!!! EVERYWHERE you go! I remember going to Matheran with a friend, and more than 80% of the visitors there, were Gujjus! How do I know for sure? Simple. They talk everywhere they go, in Gujju and LOUDLY!

They are an innately funny people. I don't know whether they know this or not. Let me give you a small proof how funny they are.

"Taarak Mehta Ka Ooltah Chashmaa" is rated the best comedy show since 2 years (!!!!!) and viewers find Daya bhabhi just awesome. (I hardly watch TV so I could just seen 2-3 episodes ever since the show is on air. Daya bhabhi truly rocks)

A family full of dazed, stupid and moronic people, with no common sense made us laugh for 2 seasons. Remember Hansaa and Praful from "Khichdi". Damn! They were stupid but we loved them because they were Gujjus. They were so good that their presence was sorely missed and they were exalted to the silver screen recently.

And how many times have we seen the re-runs of "Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai"? Do I have to say the words?

Kal Ho Naa Ho had an entire Gujju sequence in the movie, which I have heard, is often played at Gujju get togethers and weddings! Also, picture the sequence where Satish Shah, playing Saif Ali Khan's father takes him to a strip club and when Saif asks "Papppaa, suu karuu che?" and Shah replies, "Naangii ladki jo-uu che!" Who can be funny even in a strip club? Gujjus!

Kareena Kapoor in the biggest Indian blockbuster 3 Idiots immortalized their snacks. (Remember, Tum Gujarati kitne sweet hotay ho naa! Par tumhare khaane ke naam itne ajeeb kyun hotay hain? Khakdaa, Faafda. Aaj Bush ne Iraq par dhoklay gira diye...lol)

I say, Gujjus are fun and second to none :)

P.S.: Nupur, what do you have to say? (: P)

Mallika Sherawat to star in - Love, Gandhi

THIS IS 'FAKING NEWS'

Mallika Sherawat has announced to star in a sequel to Love, Barack. The title is ‘Love, (Rahul) Gandhi with the lead pair wrapped up in the Indian National Flag.

As soon as the posters were put up, there was a furore. This correspondent captured the best sentiments amongst all.

• A women's group came ahead "Mallika Sherawat, Haay Haay! Kapde utaar ke desh ki chaadar, nahi chalegi, nahi chalegi!! Haay-haay Haay-haay".

• Mallika was served a legal notice by a PIL guy. He said, "Mallika Sherawat has got no right to use the national flag as her bed sheet! We'll sue her. Besides if she uses it as a sheet, why are her legs out? Had her legs been covered, we wouldn't have taken legal action!”

• A political party in Mumbai takes out a morcha and tears the posters on the wall. They tear the posters off the multiplex. Vandalize the property. Shout slogans in her building compound and burn her effigy with a poster of Emraan Hashmi!!! A party worker says, "It’s all because of Emraan Hashmi! If he hadn't kissed Mallika in Murder, her first film, she wouldn't have dared to be a bombshell! The correspondent corrects him by saying Khwahish was her first film with 17 kisses! He says, "We don't care. Along with her, Emraan Hashmi is answerable. Also the entire Mahesh Bhatt clan!!!!!  We're doing it in the interest of the state. We demand that the name of the film is changed and our leaders name is in the title and our party's flag is used as a bed sheet! Why should Gandhi get the free publicity? He is already famous! We have to toil to be in the news every now and again. Vandalizing property is so passe, we want to be 'innovative' now!"

• Rajat Sharma calls Mallika in his channel's court room and questions her, "Aap pe janata ka yeh aarope hai..." 

• Censor Board is questioned how could they allow the producers to go ahead with an "offensive" poster? Censor Chief Sharmila Tagore and the entire board, goes ‘underground’!!!

• Saif Ali Khan and Soha Ali Khan are offended because he can't meet his mother! Kareena Kapoor says, "I hate Mallika for what she has made our family go through!"

• The producers change the poster and replace the Indian Flag with a plain white silk bed sheet with a written permission from the "Silk Producers' Association of India" and the "White Colour's Meaning Manual Committee for Not Offending The White Colour Lovers"!!!

The film is expected to open to packed houses in the entire country.

          PROBABLE POST RELEASE AFTER EFFECTS 

• Mallika Sherawat maybe signed as the host of Bigg Boss 5.

• Mallika Sherawat may get a 'special' Filmfare award for her bravado.

• Rahul Gandhi may call up Mallika Sherawat for a dinner party hosted in her 'honour'. The entire political world might appreciate her 'acting skills'. 

• The Congress Party may offer her a ticket for Rohtak, Haryana; her home town. She might win the election and become an Indian MP.

Now tell me, which other country can have so much fun over a film's poster. WE'RE LIKE THIS ONLY!!! ;)

A Tribute to Salman Khan

I have practically lived on movies. They have always been part of my staple diet since gaining consciousness. I see all kinds of movies, but since the last few years, I prefer watching ‘sensible’ cinema, especially Bollywood films. And when sensible cinema is uttered, there is only one name which comes to our mind immediately, viz. Aamir Khan. I have been an ardent Aamir Khan fan for two reasons, first, his talent and the second that I share my name with the super star.

I have never been a Salman Khan fan. I find him too stiff to be an actor. Acting as well as dancing seems to be an arduous task for our desi ‘mini hulk’. (As he is just 5’9”) I remember watching the 1999 Filmfare awards where he was honored with a Best Supporting Actor award for Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Manoj Bajpai was amongst the nominees for his immortal portrayal of Bhiku Mhatre in the cult film Satya. During Salman Khan’s acceptance speech he mentioned that Manoj Bajpai can win another award, but for him it will be very tough in the future. This showed that Salman Khan was aware of his shortcoming in the acting department. The only film to be an exception where he genuinely performed well and received critical acclaim was Tere Naam. (Salman Khan made me cry in this film. Usually when he cries on screen, I tend to laugh)

Today I saw Dabanng and Salman Khan has earned a zealous fan in me!

After watching Dabanng, I realized the Salman Khan aura. Why he has so many fans? Because he is what he is! That’s all I could think of.

His imperfect ‘bhaiyya’ dialect, his poor dialogue delivery, his super stiff dance, his Rajnikanth inspired Ray Ban exploits, all made me jump out of the seat and clap for him. His imperfections were appearing so perfect for Chulbul ‘Robinhood’ Pandey! Throughout the film my eyes were fixed on him. Yes, even during Munni Badnaam and even when the traditional looking beauty Sonakshi Sinha shared screen space with our Salman Khan.

I have never felt anything like this before!

When I watch an Aamir Khan film, I’m watching a Rancho, or a Bhuvan or a Nikumbh. But during Dabanng, it was SALMAN KHAN throughout!

Maybe it’s his imperfection. Maybe it’s his style. Maybe it’s his characteristic.

Now I know what it is to be a Salman Khan fan. Cheers to our Sallu bhai!

P.S.: The script for a prequel as well as a sequel to Dabanng is ready. I really hope both of them are made. I can’t wait to see Pandey-ji once again in action. Kamaal kartein hain Pandey ji.

Nice, But Surreal !

Surreal – Dreamlike, bizarre, odd, strange, weird, unreal

Surreal, but nice! These were the words uttered by Hugh Grant’s character (an ordinary English guy) when Julia Roberts’ character (a Hollywood superstar) kisses him in the film Notting Hill.

But when I came back after watching AVATAR I felt nice, but surreal. Why?

Imagine the possibilities of the future. I’m not saying that we would like to be transported to an alien’s body (we need to find the aliens first, that too good looking ones). The thought, that a man can change his body by retaining his own self, his psyche, his emotions. It was explored in another Hollywood movie called End of Days starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, which explored the phenomenon of cloning and transporting one to a new body, thereby leading to a perpetual existence! I’m not comparing the two movies, I can’t, simply because Avatar talks about the idea of Oneness and One Energy through which all beings are connected and End of Days gives the message of not interfering in God’s way.

But I feel, man being man; he was curious, is and will always be! Anything that was deemed irrational has come true. Let me give you a few examples; our world being round, gravity, talking through an instrument, flying, exploring the vast outer space, etc. The men who discovered or invented the phenomenon which we take for granted today were questioned, ridiculed and for noble souls like Galileo, ostracized from the society.

I just can’t stop thinking of the endless possibilities that we can go from here. James Cameron is just a genius of a film director and also, I must add, a visionary writer.

One of my favourite authors, Jules Verne (1828 – 1905) was a French writer who is considered the pioneer of the science – fiction genre of writing. To his credits are great novels like From The Earth To The Moon, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea, A Journey To The Centre Of The Earth and Around The World In Eighty Days, which I devoured as a child. A point to be noted about this man was he wrote about air, space and under-water travel before navigable aircraft and submarines were invented, and before any idea of space travel had been conceptualized. He is often considered to be a clairvoyant, someone having the supposed power to see objects or events that cannot be perceived by the senses. The Father of Science Fiction, Verne is an inspiration to millions around the world.

One of my favourite film-director, James Cameron is a Canadian born American film-maker is considered the best original writers of science fiction and then bringing it to life on the cinema screen. To his credits, as a writer, are truly great films like The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, The Abyss and Avatar.

When Verne wrote his novels he never knew those things would turn true. He only let his imagination run wild. Same could be the case with Cameron, the man is a dreamer.

The question I’m asking - Is James Cameron the Jules Verne of our time? Tall claim? Only time will tell.