Why Do Women Remain in Self-Detrimental Relationships?

Few of us were having a conversation about relationships and why do some girls/women end up in not so loving relationship. For my post, the relationship (partner) to be considered is between a woman with her boyfriend, husband or live-in.

These were a few questions and some general statements that we discussed:

• When in a relationship, how and why do they (female friends) change so much?
• Are we right being perplexed, yet concerned for our lady friends?
• How and why do head strong ladies, too, get marginalized in a relationship? (Assumption being most women do)
• Why do girls (head strong too) fall for complete jerks? (Jerks here are selfish and manipulative bastards, hell bent to marginalize women)
• Why do jerks land up with good women?
• Nice guys finish last but they do get nice girls. (I felt this could be a self soothing and hopeful statement)

This was my my insight for these not-so-grave, yet solemn questions.

I usually am good, at observing human behavior and supplement myself, sometimes by reading about it too. We human beings are complex creatures because of our complex brains which is a self destructive combination of logic and emotions, which are never perfectly balanced. I believe some of us are balanced, but that too, only few instances in a day.

The questions had no single answer. The answers are very subjective rather than being objective; subjective not from my perspective, but from the perspective of any lady in the above given questions/situations.

• When in a relationship, how and why do they (female friends) change so much?

How can a person change so much? I really don’t know! Human behavior is unpredictably irrational at times; which, the person realizes, only in retrospect.

• Are we right being perplexed, yet concerned for our lady friends?

Yes.  But I think one may be over reacting. What they do as a couple is their business. One is not trying to find faults; one is just being thoughtful as a friend who genuinely cares and concerns and hence one may be noticing her too much and trying to find out answers. But frankly my dear, don’t give a damn! 

• How and why do head strong ladies, too, get marginalized in a relationship? (Assumption being most women do)

There can be an unending assortment of reasons spread over the table of difficulties of women! But in Indian context, it could definitely be the concept of ‘sacrifice’ for the good of the husband/family.

• Why do girls (head strong too) fall for complete jerks? (Jerks here are selfish and manipulative bastards, hell bent to marginalize women)

As far as settling for jerks as husbands, the only good reason I think is that they maybe ‘better’ bread winners. ‘Better’ in financial terms and the kind of social standing their ‘family’ has in the ‘society’! Apart from this I see no sense. This is surely a fact, which probably, none of the women will express openly. And if there is, I still haven’t found it. 

• Why do jerks land up with good women?

A woman will not settle down with a jerk boyfriend but there is a high probability that she may settle down with a jerk guy via arranged marriage due to at least, the one reason, I cited above.  (There maybe more reasons) If she remains (bf/husband/live-in) with a jerk she knows, then surely something is wrong with the lady, emotionally! Or maybe the sex is just so great that rest doesn’t matter!

• Nice guys finish last but they do get nice girls.

Read the statement again. Read!!! Have you read it? If you’re a nice guy, you would know that you finish LAST.  But as the world says and is trying to condition us by saying positive things about blah blah blah blah blah… yes you’ll get some nice girl and eventually settle down and blah blah blah blah… Got it? So feel what ever you want to feel. (My perspective)

The concern with guys like us is that we think a lot, are well read, socially aware, don’t have standard opinions, will always go with the right side as we don’t follow factions of thought processes and hence choose to believe and more-or-less stay balanced in spite of the observed prevalent irregularities which highly perplexes us.

Thinking is something that is deep rooted and we’re a rare kind in today’s society which just doesn’t think. I don’t know if I’m too bold to acknowledge that we are the last league of ‘gentlemen’ in our times, at least in the immediate society we stay in.

I’m not an anti-feminist, pro-feminist, male-chauvinist, or any other god forsaken adjective used to describe men or women. I’m just plain-fucking-nice!